Grammar Grief

It’s time for another rant, this one about grammar. I am so tiiired of the poor grammar displayed every day in office emails as well as the utter nonsense that spews forth from people’s mouths.

A little background on where the venom is coming from: I never claimed to be smart in math. As a matter of fact, my mathematical skills are barely passable. However, in school I excelled at all things grammatical and English-related. So much so that it became a real source of pride - I had to cling to something, after all, since I am so utterly retarded in math. Anyway, since English became my lifesaver of academic self-esteem, I must tell you that incorrect or poor grammar is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Upon encountering it, my teeth clench, my eyes alternately twitch then wince, and the breath in my lungs escapes from my mouth in a distinctive growl.

Here’s a little sampling of the stuff that drives me nuts…

Homonyms
When will people begin to realize that spellcheck cannot account for homonyms??? To refresh your memory, a homonym is one of two or more words spelled and pronounced alike but are different in meaning. If you need a list, I found an excellent website for that: http://www.cooper.com/alan/homonym_list.html

The biggest offenders? Here they are:

• There, their, and they’re – Admit it, you see this all the time and may even be a perpetrator of something as horrific as ‘Their going to go shopping today.’ Oh, do you mean THEY ARE going?

• Your and You’re – I honestly think this is the most abused. NO ONE bothers with the ‘re anymore. It’s practically an extinct word because most people are too lazy to type it when it is so much easier to just use 'your.'

• To and Too – too is another word on its way out with the dinosaurs, which is a shame because it’s such a fun and pretty word.

• Than and Then – There’s a girl I know who absolutely cannot master the distinction between these two words to save her life. It makes me batty, it truly does. I wish I knew her well enough to pound on her skull when she commits this crime.

Me vs. Myself and I
It’s like a knife stabbing me repeatedly in the eyes when I see or hear “If you have any further questions, you can contact Joe Schmoe or myself.” GAH!!! Why do people do this???? I found a good explanation on English rules.com: The educated classes are so afraid of improperly using "me" in a sentence that they hyper-correct, going into all sorts of contortions to avoid it.

If this is true, then why are smart people so stupid sometimes? The rule of thumb for this one is not so very tricky: Eliminate the other part of the noun phrase and see how it sounds with each pronoun. Does it sound better to say "If you have questions, contact myself." Or is it indeed better to say "If you have questions, contact me." YEAH. It's not rocket science or complex algorithms, here, people...

Again, from englishrules.com, here are a few examples of incorrect first-person pronoun usage:
• Let's keep this little secret between you and I.
• The international community presented Mr. Trimble and myself with a prestigious award for our life-long commitment to saving the muskrat.
• Davis will certainly choose you and I to co-chair the campaign.

All three of the sentences need "me" instead.

Like I’ve said before in other blogs, it’s the petty stuff that really burns me. This is one of them. I wish I could just let it go, but I can’t! Don’t you have grammar pet peeves, too? Tell me and let us commiserate!