The Agony and the Ecstasy

Due in large part to the musical stylings of Morrissey and Robert Smith, I spent my early teenage years in a constant state of angst. Like most teenagers, I worshipped the idol of music. So much so that I even deigned to dress in a manner that indicated my musical preference. Today we call those losers Goths, but back then the affectionate term was Groovy Ghoulie and I was a wannabe one of them. I was never really fully integrated in the cool group of Goths at school because I was too intimidated by them. That and I didn’t drink or smoke like they did. I think Adam Ant wrote a song about me.

But I digress from my point, which happens to be how did I manage to become a part of normal society after subjecting myself to constant hours of melodious maladjustment? Indulge me a bit as I delve into a musical foray on what I consider to be the top 10 delights of the most happily depressing music of my generation:

1. anti-suicide songs: I used to be queen of the mixtape. At one point I even toyed with the idea of making a “suicide songs” mix tape. I had plenty of material to choose from. Among the front runners where REM’s ‘Everybody Hurts’ and Oingo Boingo’s ‘Out of Control.’

2. Erasure, Crown of Thorns: “Fire of the sun, flowers crumble into dust – the seed shells scatter and die... light in her eyes pour black in their lives, we gather ‘round the funeral pyre….scorn in their eyes, her back to their cries, we spit upon the life that never was.” I get all achy to visit England when I hear this song for all the lovely imagery it conjures up of Erasure’s mother country.

3. Morrissey, November Spawned A Monster: “Poor twisted child, so ugly – so ugly. One November spawned a monster in the shape of this child who must remain a hostage to kindness and the wheels underneath her...” If I were a disabled person of the world, I would join a united front in protest against this song. Twisted and ugly indeed!

4. U2, Sunday Bloody Sunday: “broken bottles under children’s feet, bodies strewn across the dead-end street.” Hey, let’s all book a flight to Belfast!!! U2 are the poster boys for Irish tourism if ever I saw any. Even Erasure can’t instigate the desire to hop a flight like these boys can.

5. Depeche Mode, Fly on the Windscreen: “Death is everywhere. There are flies on the windscreen, for a start, reminding us we could be torn apart tonight. Death is everywhere, there are lambs for the slaughter waiting to die…” I think DM took a cue from the Smith’s ‘Meat is Murder’ when they penned that line. Plagiarism is an ugly thing, boys.

6. The Cure, How beautiful you are: “You want to know why I hate you, well I'll try and explain... And this is why I hate you and how I understand that no-one ever knows or loves another.” Is this is commentary on why I’m still single?

7. The Cure, The Kiss: “I never wanted this; I never wanted any of this. I wish you were dead, I wish you were dead.” I think Hallmark has a product line entitled “Simply Stated.” They should secure the rights to these lyrics and mass produce a card with these sweet sentiments.

8. the Smiths, There Is A Light That Never Goes Out: “If a double decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die. If a ten ton truck kills the both of us, to die by your side, well the pleasure the privilege is mine.” Pleasant thoughts, are they not? Who doesn’t want to kick the bucket as human road kill with the one they love most?

9. The Smiths, How Soon is Now: “You shut your mouth how can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am Human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does. There's a club - if you like to go you could meet somebody who really loves you. So you go, and you stand on your own and you leave on your own and you go home, and you cry and you want to die.” Strictly speaking, I’d rather be a wallflower in a club than be slipped a roofie and taken advantage of in some horrible way. But my philosophy has always been I will never meet the love of my life while dancing. So it’s my mission to shun clubs and church dances alike anyway.

10. The Smiths, Asleep: “Sing to me, sing to me…I don't want to wake up on my own anymore. Don't feel bad for me. I want you to know deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go. There is another world. There is a better world. Well, there must be…Well, there must be. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye...” Don’t confuse this with #1 which is ANTI- suicide songs, oh no. Even Shakespeare could not have written it better, methinks. Ever the philanthropist, my friend Steven Patrick Morrissey seems to be a proponent of “the undiscovered country” in this song.

With songs like ‘Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me’ and ‘Girlfriend In A Coma,’ I suppose I could have used the entire top 10 list for only songs by the Smiths, but I had to splice in a few other artists for variety’s sake.

So I ask again – am I a normally adjusted human being, relatively speaking, after all of this musical wonderment? Because despite all of this, I still love each and every one of these songs and will listen to them every chance I get. However, instead of lying on my bunk bed with tears streaming down my face as I did in the late 80’s/early 90’s, now when I listen I get a pep in my step and a grin on my face at the resurgence of great memories and nostalgia that flood my innards. Good times, good times…