I don’t know if all little girls do this, but when I was young, I used to dream about the beautiful names I would choose for my future offspring. I had it all pared down to a science; I was going to name my kids after famous cities: London, Sydney, Rome, Paris (this was well before that ho achieved notoriety)…
Yes, I was a foolish child. But I can happily report that I am no longer clinging to that delusion. Sadly, though, I believe many people out there are deluded when it comes to putting a name on the birth certificate. Have you noticed the alarming trend seemingly in vogue now wherein people are desperate to find a unique name or spelling for their new baby? It sickens me. Here are some examples of how some parents have just screwed it up for their kids to be tortured for life:
•Delayknee (Delaney)
I kid you not, this is true. My friend’s mom is a teacher and this was the name of one of her students. What’s next people, Brittknee?
•Jaxson (Jackson)
My good friend Lisa used this one. She’s a great, great person, but come on with this!!!
•Izayah (Isaiah)
This is the name of Lisa’s new nephew. I wonder how many times this poor boy will get beat up on the play ground.
•Kimaine
This is one of my all time favorite stories. My pal Jill worked with a lady named Kia who was married to Tremaine. They wanted their baby to be named after them so they kind of cut and pasted. That’s fantastic! Sheer genius.
I know you know some worse cases. Please comment on this blog, let’s have fun making fun of these jackanapes!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
There was a weirdo girl in my same grade at DALHS whose name was Jalon. It was a combo of her parents names. I forget the two original names. And she was a white girl!
My other favorites are the kids in our same age groups whose parents were hippies so their kids have names like Independence. We called her Indy for short. Or Liberty. That one wasn't shortened. And don't forget the girl from your grade Patty who was named Chastity! Stick with normal names like Nathan, Ilene, and Hallie! :)
Isn't it wonderful to have a place to rant about "NOTHING". With seasons 5 and 6 now available the "show about nothing" (Seinfeld)blogging takes on new meaning for me.
Names are personal. Unfortunately most parents forget that they aren't naming themselves, but rather an innocent child. Seinfeld said you can't name a child "Jeeves" without condemning him to become a butler since that is all he can possible do in adulthood.
There was a hippy family in my neighborhood who named their kids Shadow and Summer. Shadow (a boy) obviously was destined to be Vice President or something like that because you can't be a leader by being a shadow. Summer is now in her late 20s...when she is in her 70s and well past the "summer of her life" will she really still be Summer?
Then there are our culture's icons who have spent far too much time studying kaballah or scientology. Gwyneth Paltrow named her kid Apple. What? Hopefully her personality isn't that of a lemon or lime! Will Apple always be the "apple of her mother's eye"?
What will Jennifer Garner name her child? Hopefully not Daredevil (if a boy) or Elektra (if a girl) because those movies were both terrible. Would she name him Jack, Will, Michael, or Sark (heaven forbid)? or would she name her Francie? The suspense is killing me.
Cyn, the best part of the girl named Chastity is that you constantly add the remark "and she was the school mattress" referring to her unchaste lifestyle.
Ok, so Mark turned me on to this website about Mormons naming their kids: http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/mormon/
To my Utah Mormon family is this true??? Because California Mormons aren't guilty of this, as far as I know.
Hi---I'm a lurker here (found your blog through Cyn the Win and found her through someone that knows Chris Clark...). This is a funny topic. We love reading the website www.utah babynamer.com. Crazy stuff. It seems like Utah Mormons went through a phase where they liked to put a La in front of any name....LaVerl, LaGrand, LaNell.
I know MORE then one white girl named Keisha. It's just wrong, wrong, wrong. I bet "Isaiah with a z" is also white. Also wrong.
My son's birth mother named her oldest son 25Cent. I kid you not. I have even gone so far as to ask her WHY she would name her first born child that and she said she just liked it. Hmmmm. I guess she was only 14 at the time, but that is still stretching it. She went on to reassure me that they only use his nickname. Nunu. Makes perfect sense, right?
In my high school (very small town Utah) we had a huge hippy family. They had 12 kids. Here are a few: Beautiful Sunrise (called Beauty), Sundays Misty Morn (called Sundays), Pawnice, Miracles of our Lord (called Miracles) and twins Helemans Warriers and Raphaels Warriers. There was also two Star's, one boy and one girl. There was also girl that had a baby in 9th grade and named her Cinderella.
Best celeb baby names--Pen, from the magic duo Pen and Teller, named his new baby daughter Moxy Crimefighter. Michel Hutchence has a daughter named Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily with a TV personality in England. She also had kids with Bob Geldof named named Fifi, Peaches Honeyblossem, Pixi. Nicholas Cage named his son Kal-el. Yuk.
Sorry for jumping into your blog--but this was too good to resist.
Bek - I am SO glad you weighed in because your comments are better than anything I wrote in my blog. That's fantastic! I mean, you truly could not have made that up even if you tried. I love stupid people!
I am sorry that I am such a big NERD, but I have been blessed to be around crazy people my entire life... and most of them name their kids stupid things. I also read People magazine (hence the knowledge on the celeb names), proudly.
My sister's sister in law named her daughter Tailey. Her last name is Bailey. Yup, Tailey Bailey...yes they live in Utah.
my sister went to school with a girl named "national velvet"
then you have those parents that name their kids stuff like tigercasion.com or something like that. crazy.
Post a Comment